dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have aggressive nipples.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
