So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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