Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
