how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
