Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
