I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
