I am puke
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We need to rekindle our bromance
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
