Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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