what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
