Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
