the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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