great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
