i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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