I just made out with a guy for $7.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
