We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
