just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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