Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
