If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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