I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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