Soap is not a condiment
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
