I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my being single is dangerous.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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