I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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