You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All the doctor said was why
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
