eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
