I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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