Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
