Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't deserve a penis
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
