I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
