You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize