You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
