If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
