So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
