If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
