y did u give ur computer a hand job?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
