Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize