It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
