You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This is my life. Enjoy the view
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
