totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need water and some morals
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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