i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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