we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
