I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
