They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
