so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
