Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize