but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
