Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
