this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
