I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
it's like iHOP with fire
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
