Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
