Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
