Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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