why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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