On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
