can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
