Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The Olympian is in my bed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
