Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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