I'm drive I can fine osifer
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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