the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
