Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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