please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
