The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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