I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
