The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
