dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He? As in you personified your dick?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
