yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You pole danced in your parka.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
