if only i could text you this smell
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
