"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
