one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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