I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have post one night stand depression
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
