I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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